Thoughts & Poetry

Whatever happened to Nowhere Girl?

Hello! If you don’t know already, my name is Mia, I’m 26 and I own this blog. I’ve had this blog since 2010. The name is based on one of my most favorite Beatles songs, Nowhere Man, which speaks to me on a very personal level wherever I am with my life.

I started this blog when I was still in college. I was a totally different person back then, I was a wide-eyed dreamer, ambitious, and I’m pretty sure that I haven’t had my feet on the ground when I first started writing here.

Nine years later, here I am. Married to a man whom I never, in my wildest dream, thought of loving with all my heart despite everything I’ve been through.

So much has changed since 2010. I’m a teacher by profession but currently,  I am pursuing my dream of being a writer, and entrepreneur. Although I have always dreamed of writing fiction (and attempted soooo many times) I find that writing content for small businesses for a living is just as fulfilling. Plus, did I mention that I finally achieved my dream of working at home or at cafes, and even in a different city?? Great, right?

This used to be my only blog where I chronicle my journey through heartbreak and triumph, as well as to document my food crawl escapades, my wanderlust urges. You may also notice that it’s filled with so much personal content, but over the years, I have also used this blog for several sponsored writing gigs which, believe it or not, has gotten me through college and critical wallet days when I began working. LOL

I have a new blog, too, and that is where I post my food and travel blogs since last year. It is also where I write about my life as a wife. You can visit it at: miasanjuan.com

For a while, I have contemplated whether or not to give up Nowhere Girl. Thinking that I will no longer be able to keep it up, but the funniest thing is that despite where I am in life, I am still and will always be Nowhere Girl…

Looking back into my history with this blog, I could never seem to give it up completely. It has been my most personal space and has all my shenanigans posted in it. Also, my journey to self-love and finding my husband in a sea of hopelessness and self-destruction.

I hope that whatever you find here will resonate with you one way or another, and if not, well hey! enjoy reading all my dramas. There’s more where that came from. LOL

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Thoughts & Poetry

It No Longer Matters

I can close my eyes now and I no longer have to wonder about the age-long sentiment of that old Beatles song… I no longer have to think about why you say goodbye and I say hello.

Why you’re always leaving as soon as you come home or why do you even bother to try to stay when you can’t stay long.

So many questions unanswered that no longer matters.

Yet… As the dawn breaks outside this new house’s windows, of all the things forgotten, only one remains and that is you were, are and will always be a poem this heart spits up in the crack of dawn.

Thoughts & Poetry

Now That Heartaches Are Over

I haven’t written a line of poetry for months,

Not since I found the man I married.

I might have written him a poem

On a tissue paper from a local cafe…

But that too was long ago.

Since then, this heart and this pen,

Are no longer bursting with pain.

I am free of all burdens

No trace of heartaches remain.

But like all sad alcoholics in the world,

I am (some sort of) a poet.

Inspired by failed romances,

Entranced by missed chances…

So where do I begin to write again?

How could I write about a love

That is pure, unending?

When all I knew

Was to write about a broken heart that isn’t mending?

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I honestly I haven’t written a single line of poetry in months. Perhaps that’s the reason why I kept accepting sponsored blog posts. I’ve kept this blog for years, through all the heartbreaks and losses, this blog remained my constant and so lately, I’ve been thinking… Perhaps, I might need to write poetry or short stories, or essays again.

But where do I start?

I’ve kept this blog for years and it held my deepest of heartbreaks and despite that fact, this blog triumphed as a lot of people were able to relate to the things I’ve written.

And now that I’m over all those men and heartbreaks, I feel like I’m re-learning how to write again for all I know to write about are of loss and heartbreak. Of a failed romance… missed chances…

So bear with me as I do my best to re-learn how to write. As I do my best to write from a happy and full heart and not from one drowned by alcohol in solitude.

Cheers!

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The One Where I Tried Casual Dating

Before my husband and I got together, I’ve been single for four years. I’ve walked alone for years after my last relationship fell apart, but that four years of my life wasn’t without any trace of other men. I’ve admitted it before and I’ve written about some of the men I dated in this website. But I guess I never really talked about the time where I began dating men casually.

Yes, I must admit, there was a time in my life where I thought of finally giving up on finding “the one” or getting involved in a marital affair. I admit that these were the times wherein I had a love and hate relationship with online dating as I’ve only been pushed to do it by my friends who found success in meeting their husbands online.

They had such high hopes that I would find my perfect math online, too. But that was something I gave up on long before I even tried it. And when I got to the point where I felt hopelessly and irretrievably in love with the fact and the idea of spending my days alone, I dipped my toes in the casual dating pool.

I’m not proud of it, but I guess most of us, at one point or another, get curious on what it feels like to just meet someone without any intentions of pursuing a long-term relationship with the person. To a younger version of me, it sounded appealing, the feeling of non-commitment after learning to love independence. It was an ideal set-up for me once upon a time.

I’m not proud of it, but I’m not exactly ashamed of meeting people with no strings attached. It’s not like I go all the way with people I meet like what you’re probably thinking at this point. It wasn’t the case or wasn’t always the case. It would need for me to have some sort of a deep connection with a person before I agree to get in bed with one. It’s more of like meeting new friends, flirting, and drinking but such circumstance doesn’t always end up in the bedroom.

Although, there were times that such a situation led to another thing. I once casually went out with a guy that ended up in my bed for eight months. It’s not like I wanted it to last that long, I mean, it defeated the purpose of casual dating but it happened, and to be honest, it wasn’t such a great experience, but it was a learning curve for me and that person.

From there, I learned how to separate emotions from every conversation to discern whether the person I’m talking to is worth that kind of experience again. But to be honest, I’m glad I’ve had that particular experience for it made me realize the things I should and shouldn’t do the next time I go out with someone.

Without that experience, my husband would probably be just another casual thing that would be down the drain the following morning.

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The Friend That Got Away

It’s no secret that I’ve dipped my toes in the online dating pool a long time ago. It wasn’t like it was consistent or anything, to be honest, I’ve tried several dating apps and sites such as Match Me Happy but didn’t continue as I didn’t believe that something good would come out of online dating or meeting prospect boyfriends online.

However, during that period of my life, I met a guy named Eddy — a Puerto Rican in New York, studying to be an engineer. We instantly became friends having the same interest in music and aesthetics in general but only a few weeks after meeting him, I stopped talking to him. The exact reason is now lost like a needle in a stack of hay, and all I can remember is that he tried so hard to reconnect with me for over a year.

I liked that he really wanted to pursue some sort of friendship with me, I honestly really appreciated that. The thing about me was that I don’t believe that anything would happen to whatever relationship that we have back then. I guess I expected so much from what good thing we had. So the cycle continued, we talk, I stop texting back, he tries to get back in my life until one Christmas season, we really did hit it off.

We were Facetiming all the time, updating each other about each other’s lives. The thing about online dating is that sometimes you have to look at it as more than just a platform to find a prospect boyfriend. That’s exactly what I did, I changed my perspective, told myself that I shouldn’t expect more from it, and just let things be.

That was when Eddy and I officially became best friends. Changing my perspective into what our relationship should become really helped a lot in getting to know each other and made me realize that there’s more to free dating sites than what people like me usually expects from it.

Eddy is a genuinely good man. He was honest with his intentions and it made me humble down a bit and allowed myself to be well–just me. I allowed my thoughts to flow through to share with him and he did the same, we were vulnerable in each other’s company but in such a way that we didn’t have some toxic type of friendship.

It’s really funny how people from far away could feel closer to one’s heart despite the physical distance. Eddy will always be a huge part of my life, not only because we developed a good friendship when we were both looking for other things, but it also is a successful online dating story that just didn’t have the same ending as others’.

We both believe that our story is just as successful as those who are romantically involved. Ours, although platonic and totally bro-ish, is something definitely worth keeping for a lifetime just like those that ended in marriage or long-term relationships.

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Online Dating At Any Age

In this golden age of technology, one might say that only younger people can benefit the most from the wonders brought by the internet. This, for one, is not true even in the world of online dating.

Sure, dating apps and websites are only (statistically) used by people below 40, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used by older generations. Senior dating is picking up its momentum recently, and the online dating world has never been the same since then.

People who are older dating online is not as cringy as it may sound like. It might even be worth a few long “aww”s fr some people. One good example was my good friend’s aunt who met her 63-year-old husband online. She was 46, with three children and divorced, while her husband was a widower with two grown children.

Their love story was unlike any other, for not only did they meet online but they dated online for several years till they finally decided to take it to the next level and meet in person. Soon after meeting in person, three years after they met online, they got married and moved to another state.

Criz, my good friend’s aunt, has three children from her first marriage. She was divorced at only 33 years old and lived her life away from any romantic relations. Danny, her new husband, has two kids with his former spouse who died of Cancer when they were only 45 years old.

Danny became interested in the internet back in 2007 when he began uploading his music on MySpace and got involved in several dating sites since then. He claimed he had met many women but was unsuccessful for their lack of common interests and goals. He also claimed that the reason behind this was because he was meeting much younger women back then.

Luckily, he signed up for a dating website which demographic consisted mainly of people over forty years old. To his surprise, he began meeting women of similar interests, but it was Criz who caught his attention the most. He said that he felt more comfortable talking to her compared to the other women he chatted with on that dating website. Criz also admitted that she felt the same way but did not really raise her hopes that high given her experience in online dating.

But alas, they hit it off and began talking about the future together. Their future together.

They dated online for three years, sending each other care packages with things from their own cultures and traditions. They said that doing so only made them more interested in each other more, one of the main reasons why they decided to finally meet in person and eventually they got married.

It was, as most people would say, a successful online dating story. It may not be true for most people but guessing their maturity and their goals in life at that certain age really helped in developing their relationship and making it a successful product of online dating.

 

Thoughts & Poetry

I’m a Stay at Home Wife and I’m Fine with That

I’ve always been a corporate-life-loving type of person. The corporate jungle has been my haven over the last six years or so and though I’ve hit several rocks here and there, I always thought that it was fine. I never imagined myself working from home again at least not full-time. But certain life changes made me choose the life I’m living these days.

And to be honest, I’m loving the new life I have. I don’t feel like a soggy piece of bread being dragged from the bowl of eggs and milk to the pan to be turned into toast. I no longer get thoughts that I want to skip work because of traffic, and probably the best is that I no longer feel as much anxiety over the last few weeks since I’ve decided to quit my office job.

It wasn’t the easiest decision to make, and if you’ve been following me on social media and if you’ve been watching my vlogs, you’d know exactly why. I left behind a handful of people that I love as much as I love my family and leaving the corporate world meant leaving them behind… the people who meant the world to me.

So you can just imagine how depressing that was for me, but I realized that they’re better than I thought they are. They’re the best people I’ve ever been with, and they never fail to prove that to me by accepting me and my decisions no matter how rash and illogical it might have been to them.

These days, I spend most of my time at home doing freelance writing gigs and tutoring a couple of neighbor’s kids as I prepare for my upcoming wedding to Tim. I have far more free time in my hands now which I learned how to manage well; I realized how much I matured as a person when I compared my life as a home-based teacher 6 years ago. I didn’t manage my time well, and I wasn’t as independent before which was why I felt suffocated being stuffed at home all the time.

So yeah. These days, I get so many things done and still work with ample energy and motivation. It’s nothing like feeling like a soggy toast and I love it. A lot of people may not like the idea that I’m working from home, but that’s alright. People talk all the time and nothing and no one can stop them, but I am genuinely happier here.

I am truly at my happiest.